Sometimes a blessing sometimes a curse

There are days that I hate being gender fluid. Most days I can go around feeling male and presenting male. In other days where I feel femme and would love to present femme I haven't worn my breast forms or a dress in at least a year.

During these times I would take estrogen on the spot if offered. But I also don't know if I would take that step as I don't know if I'm ready to change my body's default.

I smoke weed to help with Depression and anxiety, sometimes this helps with any gender dysphoria I might be feeling, and other times it pushes me feeling femme to 11. And I don't know what to do.