I lost myself

From childhood my parents were strict they never let me play or go out or make friends i was always alone just books tv and silence they said study is everything and slowly i learned to live alone without needing anyone because no one was really there

then i went out for studies and made real friends they became everything to me i was finally happy but everyone had their own path and slowly life separated us still they were my safe space

then she came into my life and everything changed she gave me the love i never got the care the support the understanding she didn’t judge me she made me feel safe and loved i thought she was my forever she knew everything about me and still chose to stay until one day she didn’t

now she’s gone and i feel like i lost the version of me that believed in love i feel like i am becoming fake like her pretending strong going gym trying to move on but nothing feels real i used to be vulnerable and soft and now i am forcing strength but it feels like a mask

maybe she never came in my life that was better because now after she left i am not the same i am scared that i will never be that boy again who loved without fear and who believed people don’t leave when they say they love you

i miss her but more than that i miss who i was when she was there and now i feel like im just surviving not really living no hope no joy just fake smiles and tired nights...