I want to want this relationship… but I feel numb. Do I keep fighting or let go?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He has an anxious attachment style, I’m more avoidant. We’ve had ups and downs because of his emotional reactions to conflict, but despite that, I’ve never felt so in love, cared for, or understood by someone. He was my best friend, my companion, my everything. And even when things were hard, I always felt like he was worth it.

A few months ago, he lost his job. We had to live off my low income for 4 months, and I started feeling the financial pressure hard. I didn’t fully share how stressed I was because early in our relationship I told him I didn’t want money to ever be a point of resentment. I’d drop hints like “we need to slow down on spending,” but I never said outright how broke we were.

In July, he needed some essentials and I told him we couldn’t afford it. That’s when I finally opened up about how much I was struggling financially and asked for his understanding. I expected support — “We’re a team, let’s figure it out” — but instead he spiraled. He got upset, said he felt like a burden, that being unemployed hurt his self-esteem, and that my stress made him feel worse. I shut down. I couldn’t take on his feelings in that moment. I needed support, and instead I had to be the one to lift him again.

Even though we worked through it later — he apologized, started helping budget, and is now going to therapy — something in me changed. It was like a switch flipped. The love and connection I always bounced back to after fights didn’t come back this time. I felt emotionally muted. We tried to be intimate and I couldn’t feel anything. I was confused — I’d always been able to come back to him before.

I told him how I felt, and he took it hard, but promised to fight for us. I started wondering if it was just my avoidant attachment and fear — fear of trusting him again, of being vulnerable. I called it “fear brain” and hoped it would pass. We decided to take a break so I could reflect. During that time, I researched attachment styles, journaled, and tried to reconnect with my feelings. I wanted to feel again.

After five days apart, we met up. It was going okay until he got emotional and started expressing his love. I knew he meant every word… but I felt nothing. Just blank. That scared me. I thought I’d feel a spark again, or hope — something. But I didn’t. Now I’m stuck between this deep desire to keep trying for someone I once loved so much, and the painful realization that I might not be able to get those feelings back.

Do I keep trying? Have I not given it enough time? Or is the emotional disconnect a sign that it’s really over? I feel so lost and broken about this.