starting to feel hate towards my ex girlfriend eventhough i shouldn’t and i can’t even put it into words how terrible it feels

girlfriend broke up with me few weeks ago after about 2 years of dating and thats okay i can’t force anybody to be with me but i’ve started to feel so hateful towards her and its killing me. She was also my bestfriend and i feel so lonely not hearing about her day or hearing her voice or being able to touch her like i love her so much and wish i could have been better and i fucking hate that she left eventhough its not wrong for her to do that but wtf how are u just going to leave like that and why can u just continue ur life like nothings wrong going out and having fun while i can’t sleep or eat feeling sick asf and my heart actually hurts i went to see a doctor bc i thought something was wrong but no everythings fine and it might be some broken heart syndrome didn’t even know that was real i feel like im all over the place rn my point is that it feels so fucking terrible to one day love more than anything and then slowly but surely see that turn into hate like i don’t wanna hate her i just feel so betrayed eventhough its not fair towards her i’ll never make her feel bad about leaving me but im really feeling awful right now and it sucks to have these thoughts in ur head all the time