just diagnosed with herpes

hi y’all… kind of a throw away post just because I need to rant and am looking for support. I’m a 26 y/o female who just went to the gynecologist because I assumed I had genital herpes based on my symptoms - it’s confirmed. I’ve only had one male partner my whole life and we’ve never had sexual intercourse, just oral sex. My gynecologist looked at me like I was insane when I told him that I’ve never had intercourse - he said it’s “odd” that I got genital herpes from oral sex but that it can happen if my partner had HSV-1. My symptoms are terrible and I feel like I’m physically and mentally crumbling apart, I’ve never dealt with pain this severe and feel disgusting, ashamed, embarrassed, and just overall gross. I’m on medication now and received a numbing cream, but the lesions are spreading and getting bigger/worse, it hurts to move, use the bathroom, and clean myself - I’m so worried that now I have this forever and will possibly be dealing with outbreaks the rest of my life :(