Severe fear of relapse

I’m so sorry if this isn’t the right place but I’m just very lost right now and I couldn’t think of a better way of getting some actual advice for the situation. I’m 19, turning 20. I’ve been suppressing a lot of stuff since childhood and have been depressed since I could literally remember myself, just looking at my childhood pictures make me want to cry. And my family isn’t exactly understanding of my struggles but they don’t really make them worse too. It’s been very hard growing with all this on my own, and it took three tries for me to get myself to a therapist and then a psychiatrist. So now I’ve been on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication for a month, it got better for a while, but now I feel that it’s coming back noticeably (going for a checkup to a psychiatrist soon). What also helped is that we got a house in the countryside this year where I was able to get much better. I have my own room with enough space here, where I could decorate it with what actually made me happy and comforted. It also helped with overstimulation from the city noise and people. I’ve been living here for two months, but recently had to go back to the city for just a day and spend time in my room that I had since my birth. And just being there for a few hours just filled me with so much dread. It’s a depression room that couldn’t have been even furnished properly as I was too depressed already when my old furniture was thrown away and didn’t do much with decoration and organising. There are just a bunch of boxes of gifts I couldn’t bring myself to open, so many memorabilia that I was too depressed to throw away. I’ve been literally sleeping on the floor for a couple of years as I couldn’t bring myself to change the bedsheets and stuff has just been piling up on the bed. I could keep my house room clean and without hoardery behaviour for this whole time, but seeing the old room just plunged me into the depression head first. I was lost and couldn’t even think of where to start if I wanted to make it better. My studies start in September and I have no choice but to return to the city. I feel incredibly embarrassed and scared of that whole thing, I’m afraid I’m going to return and just spiral into despair again. If you could give some advice and something that has helped you, I would be incredibly grateful.