How do me and my friend get out of our toxic friendship?

Me and my friend, Stella, has been friends with Carl since about 7th grade. Stella and our friend Isac have been friends with him since 1st grade. During this friendship there have been phases where we have not spoken.

We aren’t the nicest towards him, like we’ll often tell jokes many people would see as offensive/bullying, but this is the kind of friend dynamic we all have and he was also the one starting with these kind of jokes. If Carl said he wasn’t comfortable with these jokes and also stopped making them himself we would stop. He is very overweight which is something we poke fun of.

One of the reasons why we aren’t that kind to him is because he sees kindness from us as a sign that we like him, when we are just treating him like a normal human being. Carl has asked out both of us and we both rejected him. He asked Stella out in ninth grade and after being rejected they stopped talking for a while, I also stopped being friends with him since I still didn’t know him that well.

When we started high school Stella and Carl ended up in the same class, and since him and Isac were still friends we started hanging out with him too again.

Me and Carl became pretty close friends too quickly after this so all four of us became a friend group, hanging out together. After about 4 months he started liking me, he sent me A LOT OF freaky couple tiktok’s and said a lot of things that I wasn’t very comfortable with. I never responded positively or saying I liked him back, I actually did the opposite. An example is at april fools sending a video about how we should make out as a joke, and other (worse) videos, like videos about sleeping together or wanting me. Another tiktok was about liking how it jiggles when I walk, I don’t want him to look at my body like that. After rejecting him we stopped talking for about a week, but when he reached out again he still continued w flirting even tho i told him I don’t like him like that.

Aside from that he is also a bad friend to Isac. He often makes Isac look bad in front of other people, for example by lying about things Isac does or doesn’t do. He’ll also often take things from Isac and make him pay for his stuff. An example is when we’re at a restaurant together, he always refuses to pay for himself and says he won’t eat. He still eats from Isacs food and sometimes ours too, if he doesn’t take from our food he’ll still ask us to give him some. One time he left us to go eat pizza with his brother, we were eating sushi, and when he came back he still wanted food from us because he apparently was stressing when eating the pizza. He also ate about half from both Isacs and Stella’s (now ex) boyfriend’s food.

Another thing is how he keeps bringing up Stella’s ex even if Stella and him aren’t in contact anymore, I think that most people wouldn’t want anything to do with their ex and him telling her random facts is just unnecessary. He likes drama which is why I think he does it.

He often brings up jokes we’ve told to people we just met, but doesn’t mention that he’s made the exact same joke. He makes himself look like a victim, for example bringing up how Stella told him to “go to the kitchen, woman” as a joke. Me and Stella started to tell him this joke after he said it to us multiple times. He makes us look bad to portray himself as a victim and the more responsible, we seem like pick mes even if it’s just jokes we tell him. He does this to many other jokes that really should just stay in the group chat.

He openly says the n-word and other offensive things around people and says we do it too. Even if we’ve wrote it, unlike him, we don’t go around yelling it in public. He’s basically just an open racist to all ethnicities. As I said we might not be the best of people, but we woudlnt want to say something like that to people outside our group.

Carl also tells people we just met about how we broke into an abandoned orphanage and we just left him. The reason to why we left him is that we weren’t friends yet, he had just suddenly appeared and joined us. When we got caught by the owner he was the only one still in the house, refusing to get out, so we decided to leave to not get in more trouble since the owner told us to. Isac, that was the one who brought him there, still stayed with him and waited for him to get down since they were still friends. Carl just left when he got down, while Isac had problems starting his moped.

Carl often talks shit about Isac behind his back to a lot of people and says he doesn’t want to be Isacs friend anymore. We have told him that he shouldn’t be friends with Isac anymore if he doesn’t want to, but he still is.

Something thats a bit milder is how he always leaves our games without telling us. He’ll call us and ask us to play, but then he’ll randomly leave the game. We would be okay with playing something else if he just asked, but even when we leave and ask him to find a game or join the game we found he won’t do it. He also leaves our discord call and the game if we, as an example, don’t pay enough attention to him. This doesn’t only imply to games he also leaves group chats because of this.

We have tried asking him whats wrong and why he leaves, but just dismisses it or ignores our calls for a while. Then he’ll pretend nothing happened and he changes the subject when we try to bring it up. This has happened multiple times which is why we see this as a problem.

When we were out in the city the other day he just left us to go home without telling us, we were driving and gas is pretty expensive yk. We called him and asked why he didn’t tell us and his excuse was that he tried to say it through the window when the cars were parked but that we didn’t hear. We told him he could have called us so we didn’t drive around looking for his car but he still didn’t find that he was in the wrong.

After Stella sent a tiktok saying “your month- your character” he’s been acting weird. Her month was a character who liked the character that his month had, and she made it clear that she was talking about the LOOKS as a joke and NOT her liking him. Her month had Moto Moto and his had Gloria. He said something like “Moto Moto likes me, crazy” and she responded that she didn’t mean it like that. He responded with saying it’s sad for him, that can be uncomfortable considering he had a history of liking her.

There might be much more stuff we haven’t brought up, after all we just wrote this pretty quickly just now but these are the main things we came up with. As u can read in the title, we don’t want to be his friend anymore. This is hard though since we all go to the same school and Stella, him and Isac goes to the same class which makes it hard to avoid him. Carl is also friends with Isac and two of Stella’s other friends which complicates it.