Endometriosis on both ovaries, starting IVF soon, feeling really sad

Trigger: Living child

It's been a heavy week. I'm 38 and we've been trying for a year now, so I've been getting my tests done for the last few months. No positives, just negative tests and a lot of tough times. Yesterday I got my MRI with contrast results back, and it said I had endometriosis. I thought it couldn't be confirmed without a lap, but the radiologist was confident with the result. Endometrioma 3cm on my left ovary and 2 smaller ones on my right, with "fibracious disease" and scarring behind my uterus. I'm not sure what that means. Fibroids? Scarring from a previous c-section?

I'm very sad and worried now that IVF will flare my symptoms, or that it will make IVF more difficult in some way. I've read lots here about some doctors suggesting IVF before a lap, and some suggesting an egg retrieval before lap and then transferrring.

It's all just a lot to take in right now. I was already anticipating the meds and needles and journey of IVF, but now the endo makes me feel more confused and unprepared.

I'm in a group of mom friends I met after I had my daughter (she's 3 now). Out of the 6 of them, it was just me and one other woman who hadn't had 2nd kids yet. She and I promised each other we'd tell each other right away if we got pregant, since we both have secondary infertility. She told me last night she's pregnant, and I felt very very conflicted. Sad, anguished, happy, over the moon for her. And so so alone.

Earlier this week, my psychologist also spoke with me about her concerns that I am likely on the OCD spectrum, with some compulsive, obsessive tendencies she's been observing. I have no idea how to process this either. Of course, this isn't a huge surprise to me, and I think fertility has been something I've been obsessing about. But I thought that was normal for some of us?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. It makes me feel less alone to type these words somewhere where maybe other people will see them and relate a bit. Hugs to you all today.