AITAH for not feeling anything for my dad even though he cares ? [TW]

This all be sitting with me for a while, basically my father has been using me as his emotional pillow for so many years, he controls every aspect of my life from personal life to academic and professional life. Like he has been extremely abusive towards me even before 18, like public humiliation, control over my clothes (he's saying I should wear less), forcing me to ditch my friends,... Basically, as a teenager, I've never had any friends or long term friends because I was too dumb and talked about it to my half siblings and they snitched on me. There were moments where he was saying that I'm his world and he would brag about my academic scores to other people.

Things got worse after college with my mental illnesses, my parents issues, so he started using me as his therapist or whatever, he isolated me from my siblings and then uses any means to get me emotional, start crying, then take his side as I got triggered. He was triggering me on purpose, like talking about my mom's death and that the reason he got married is because of me, that everyone abandoned me when i was a child and whatever... This used to hurt me a lot, because I knew he was manipulating me. I literally grow up watching every move of my father, so I was kinda aware of whatever he's doing, I was grieving the father he never was. I was trying my best to hide everything my siblings were doing or aspiring to be, because he would always control them too.

But this escalated to another thing, he talked to me about how he's so sexually dissatisfied, that he's seeking prostitues and whatever. I was trapped in a moving car, I was frozen telling myself inside to open the door and threw myself out. I blacked out right after I don't know what he said after. I dissociated completely.

I've never felt so disgusted, so destroyed and so betrayed.

Now whenever I hear his voice, I feel that I want to start banging my head against anything solid nearby. I get so disoriented that even though I tried to act like nothing happened (I'm currently living with the family because I'm not allowed to be financially dependent or to go out without anyone else, they have all my cards and passport). He also told me that I don't any man to marry, that I should work because he's tired of working.

But the issue is, he's acting now very sweet towards me, telling my stepmom he loves me and whatever, that I'm making him happy. So now she came to me saying that I'm being a bad daughter, that he wants nothing but good for me. I told my stepmom to never interfere in my relationship with him that whatever he did was irreparable. He won't fix it with "I love you", that probably would make it worse. She said that I'm being ungrateful, that some people wished they have such a father and they don't have it. That I should be more faithful, I told her that whenever I hear his voice I literally feel that I want to hurt myself. So she said "oh is it again about your mom... that was years ago"

I didn't want to tell her about all that, because firstly I don't want to talk about it and secondly I don't want them to get divorce, and somehow deep inside I just know even though I say that she'll find another excuse.

So I told her that I don't care about his love, that he destroyed me, and that I'm done talking about emotions with anyone who doesn't care. I stopped talking to them but now my stepmom and siblings think I'm just being ungrateful to my father. That he's trying his best and want the best for me.

He never repeated that S topic again, so I was starting doubting myself. Like probably it was a mistake or sth but he hurts me, my family also said that I try to make them unhappy on purpose. Because now I refuse that my father would come to my graduating ceremony, I told them he only wants me when I'm successful but never when I'm depressed and failing academically because of my mental illnesses.

So AITAH ?