My Friends Left Me and I Feel Like My Life Is Ruined

I’m a senior in high school and struggle with severe anxiety, depression, and BPD. Last year, going to school was so hard that I would cry and sometimes even vomit. I felt completely alone, and my friends didn’t really understand me. I started therapy around that time, and for the first time, I began self-harming because I felt so isolated.

Fast forward to the first week of senior year: it’s happening again, but worse. Over the summer, one of my friends left our group, saying it was “toxic” (P). I didn’t see it that way—arguments were mostly misunderstandings. They blocked me but stayed in touch with my close friend, V, which made me feel abandoned.

On the first day of school, tensions came to a head. My friend, V, in our group chat about not knowing what to do, as hanging out with me and everyone else made P angry, but they didn’t know how to split their time between to friend groups. I apologized and acknowledged that it must be painful to be stuck between two friend groups, but I also expressed that I felt hurt, because I felt that it was irresponsible that P was angry with V for hanging out with me even though they were the ones that left the group originally and didn’t talk it through. After that, V and my best friend M started ignoring me. When I tried calmly asking what I did wrong so I could fix it, they refused to respond, and eventually they blocked me.

Now I feel completely alone. I can’t eat, I cry constantly, I’ve been skipping school, and I feel like my life is falling apart. I haven’t self-harmed in a long time, but the urge is creeping back. I cried for hours until my brother had to come and give me and anxiety pill just so I could calm down. (I choked on it lol) I know I’m not entirely innocent, but I feel like I have nobody to turn to. Even talking to my girlfriend is hard because she gets overwhelmed. I’ve been vomiting and crying and I just feel like my life is ruined.

Also, my girlfriend and P been close friends since they were younger, which makes everything even harder for me to process. I’ve reached out to my friends through platforms where I haven’t been blocked to apologize, but I still haven’t received a response.

I finally want to say that I’ve never used an app like this before—I’m just feeling really helpless and sad right now. I don’t have anyone I can talk to anymore, so I’ll take any support or advice I can get.