A Decision Made

Well we have decided to separate. I 42 ?LM (I don’t even know anymore) and her 40 NoLibidoForMe Female. We have been together for 24 years, married 16. Sex was often an issue through the relationship. I was guilty of pressure at an earlier stage of the relationship but we were so young and really each other’s first major relationship, we both made mistakes. After therapy that we both went to enthusiastically and both did good work things improved, for a while, 2022 was amazing we were so into each other. Slowly through 2023-2024 things slowed. I, wanting to be the best husband I could be, responded with love and support, we went to a fancy hotel after going to a gala, she felt uncomfortable that she wasn’t feeling receptive to intimacy that evening, no problem let’s watch a movie, no big deal. Both she and our couples councillor thought I had done fantastic in adjusting my approach and attitude. Unfortunately in Nov 2024 she hit me with the boundary, no physical relationship ever again, no romantic connection. She wants to stay married as best friends, we have 2 wonderful children 14-11, so preserving the family is absolutely front of mind. I was obviously devastated, ego dropped off the cliff, depressed for weeks. I wanted to keep the family together and I know that we work together so well in every other aspect, communication is excellent, best friends. I am gutted. I spend the next several months seeing a personal therapist. Over that time I am saying in my head “I think I have to go”. Finally once the raw emotion has calmed, and I live in this world I realize I either need to fully accept it or I’ll have to go. We head on a trip where we have fun, nice dinners, laughs, but I ask if that has moved the needle at all, she says no, as far as she is considered it is done permanently. I, after much pain and thought, acknowledge I want to have a romantic and intimate relationship in my life. Now I/we start on this next phase of life, we will live together for a while, the family dynamic is still comfortable, the kids are not seeing any toxicity. But I will need to go and start again, I think I have a lot to offer and I hope I am able to find a new partner who I am able to connect with, I have some optimism but it is also very scary. A thought that guided me is if I stayed and I turned 60 I think I would think myself a coward for not doing the hard thing that is likely the right thing. Anyway all my love a support to all the DB partners out there, high and low libido, it isn’t easy on either side, I truly wish everyone the best. Here’s hoping I don’t regret my decision.