Being trans and intersex (PAIS) sucks

I am 23 years old and have been taking T for 2 1/2 years. I have not noticed any change due to my intersex condition which makes me almost unable to process testosterone. Every day I feel like I have more dysphoria and I get depressed at the thought of never being able to like my own reflection in the mirror. My endocrinologist told me that even though the testosterone in my body is at normal trans male levels, they can never know how and when my body might react, so I could never really begin my transition. The only real change I notice in these 2 years is increased libido, which sucks because sex is painful for me (doctors mutilated my genitals because I was born with micropenis) and I was hoping the bottom growth might alleviate that.

I hope it gets better, because now I can only feel sad about my future and my never-ending dysphoria. However, the worst feeling of all is being completely alone. I feel like nobody have similar experience. There are no personal or academic sources I can check offline and online. There is no guide about how to overcome pain when you have been through a clitorial genital mutilation. I feel alone and walking a path no one has ever crossed (at least in my country). I also feel so broken about how I could have been if I never get this condition or if my doctors had a little more concern when I was a baby and didn't mutilate me.