I got honorable discharge for depression

Hello, ok I’m just gonna tell this story on here for my own health and maybe someone’s had a similar experience. This is long and I condensed it. I was enlisted in 2020, I was 22 and poor af my parents had kicked me out and I lost my job. I realized pretty quick that the Navy was not a good match for me, I didn’t fit in with the guys usually, I’m a gay man and i was the first gay guy in the military some have met, openly gay at least. I never fit in with the guys much. Anyway i passed camp.

I get to my new squadron and realize how toxic everyone is, I was looked at as weak, so I was thrown into more work than most. I didn’t think the military was going to be easy but I just thought my stressors would be the actual job not the toxicity of people I was with.

I remember one of the guys was pretending to be my friend for a while but he really was just stealing from me. while some people were more accepting, it was obvious people didn’t want to be friends with me so I just made more friends at nearby clubs instead.

When i’d talk with my 1st class about the toxicity he did not give a fuck fr. The toxicity made it hard for me to even learn too, once I was being trained for like 5 minutes in a cockpit of a E-2 by a guy showing me what switches to hit at the end of the night. When I asked for clarification or how he remembers which buttons to hit, he called me a dumbass and told me I couldn’t listen and to keep my head on a swivel when someone of higher ranking tells me what to do. Keep in mind there’s like over 100 buttons in that plane. I never asked again I don’t think and never learned lol. Things like that was definitely everyday.

I have examples, I was called the f slur by particular guys, yelled at alot by leadership and peers. People had no patience with me. When newer guys would come I’d see the same treatment put on them because they hadn’t “paid their dues yet.” It was just mean and negatively all around and you’d leave work being sad and depressed just about everyday. I eventually learned how to do my job but the overall mindset of ‘fuck you’ didn’t get better. i was surrounded by dickheads. Trying to work the system was very frustrating.

A year goes by and I’m in a deep depression with life. I was nightshift, I couldn’t explain how low in my head I was. I tried to get on meds for it and the waiting time was like 4 months for therapy.

I’ve had depression before but not to that severity yet. I think I was in a state of shock, I finally grabbed the nerve to talk to my senior chief about getting help for the second time and he was like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Was all he said. Things just weren’t working.

(Trigger Warning) I come back after leave and I try to overdose and then when it didn’t work I started cutting my wrists. I’m gonna spare those details. The next day an officer sees my arms and things happened pretty quick from there. They drove me to the VA hospital and put me on a floor with a bunch of other troubled people. I was hooked up to fluids to flush my body out. Some of these people were crazyyyy. Anyway I stay there and i was having a treatment team. They asked me if I thought getting out of the Navy would help. I was like “well yea but maybe my squadron just isn’t a good match for me.”

It seemed to me that help was only available at my last resort. somewhat. And when they would ask me what’s wrong I didn’t know how to answer that really. I never smiled and never cried either, I just felt like a robot.

I was very pissed and angry, I couldn’t believe nobody took me seriously for so long. I mean in my head if you treat people poorly and keep them in a halt where they are a slave to you, these things happen.

Anyway once I leave the hospital I get my phone back, it is blown up by just about everyone in my squadron telling me they hope I’m okay. It was pretty clear that personal information was given out but they were acting worried. It was very confusing especially the leadership wishing me well hoping I’m ok, when prior they couldn’t care any less of me.

Anyway. When I get back to work I had a meeting with many officers, one told me to ‘not lie’. I didnt know what he meant by that at first, I legit met this guy 3 times the only thing he knew of me was I was trying to get out now and was suicidal but whatever. My CO didn’t have a meeting with me, but I was told by another that they’re giving me honorable discharge. I didn’t really expect that. it seemed like If someone had the opportunity to swing a hammer at me they were going to do it lol.

From then on my Chief had to keep an eye on me because now I was considered a ‘liability’. I don’t think people understood how someone can be suicidal and be functioning. So then on I couldn’t even do my job really because I was considered unfit for duty. They didn’t want me on the flight line, I didn’t really care at that point I felt like I was being kicked at and then pampered. Without me they were struggling though until more new guys came.

4 more months go by of legit sitting in an office all day, and I get my seperation date. At that point I felt like I was escaping hell.

I didn’t even do TAPS. They didn’t tell me what that was and just signed my papers.

Looking back, to me it really seemed like professionalism was lacking.

The day comes and I drive all the way back home. I’m 27 now and I live off of 70% disability and I got my degree now. Ive been in and out of mental hospitals about every year since then.

Now I’m seeing opinions about people saying if you got out before your contract ends then you’re not a real veteran yada yada. That strikes a nerve kinda, I mean i definitely wasn’t shot or didn’t break my back etc. I was just hazed at until I was miserable enough to kms.

it’s too much to explain and not really anyone’s business but mine. I’ve decided not to tell people I got out early, it just raises more questions and sad explanations I don’t want to even get into or remember. If you made it this far thanks for listening and hopefully you understand somewhat. Have a good day