It feels like Jesus is upset with me.

feel as if Jesus is far away, as if I myself have somehow distanced Him. I am 30 years old, and when I was 15, after my baptism, I had a beautiful experience with God. I dreamed of Psalm 23 and a man with a staff beside me. He walked with me along the whole path, reciting Psalm 23, and at the end I sat with him at a wooden table, and he served me wine in a cup from a stainless steel jug. I know it may sound strange, and I don’t usually share this with anyone. But after that day, it felt as though I had finally found a Father, and the emptiness in my soul had vanished.

Soon after, I married young and went through the worst moments of my life. I decided to get divorced. I tried to live a church life after the divorce, but it felt as though the people in the “church” judged me in some way for the divorce, which had been due to domestic violence.

Lately, I have been living through the worst moments of my life, and my world feels like it’s falling apart. I don’t hear God’s voice; when I cry out, it feels like He doesn’t hear me. I lost my job, I can’t help my parents and siblings as I used to, my friends have abandoned me, and every day my soul wakes up downcast. I can’t get out of bed and do the things I once enjoyed—it feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. All the past traumas I’ve suffered, like childhood abuse, seem to have been triggered again.

Please, pray for my soul.