How do i just get over it?? (Vent)

Throwaway as I’m pretty sure he knows my actual account. I’m just so…tired of dealing with it. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop obsessing over it. I can’t sleep, I’ve started picking/scratching at my scalp to ease the anxiety, I don’t know what to do. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, but it feels like it won’t help.

He says the things. He says he’s not gay, he says he wants to work on things. But at the same time, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I can’t get a straight answer out of him for anything. Or he deflects and tries to say things I need to worry about more than asking him the question. When he does that, I’m accused of being controlling, because I didn’t like what the answer was. Ex: “Well why did you buy the blue pig?” -me “idk bc it’s a pig?” - him

Obviously, that’s not a real conversation, but that’s exactly what it’s like. Why am i so attached to a man that doesn’t seem to care about my well being? That doesn’t care to get to know me or let me know him after all this time? I’m so broken up, I really feel like day to day functioning is becoming harder and harder. Basic tasks are just exhausting.

How do i get over this? How do I just let it go? How is someone supposed to build trust back with someone who broke it and fights on every little aspect of questions or some of the smallest things. I’m just so tired of not being able to have the smallest conversation with someone I used to love so much, but the slightest bit of annoyance, I’m on the ready to shut down. I just don’t know how to navigate this anymore.