I’m so lonely.

Nothing I say gets through to my husband without him getting defensive and deflecting, trying to turn back on me. And then when I get upset, he refuses to hear me and tells me I need to take accountability for being upset. I wouldn’t be so upset if he’d just hear me out for once, I’m just feeling so unseen and unknown and alone all the time. It’s like I’m screaming under water and he can’t understand anything I say. Or like I’m talking to a brick wall as cliche as that sounds. He sucks at taking initiative and being intentional. He’s always physically present but emotionally and mentally absent/unaware. He acknowledges these things and validates me after I beg enough, but by then I’m usually already hyperventilating and extremely sad/angry. And when I get upset that his actions don’t match his words, he says I just need to be patient because he never got the example he needed from his absent father. Patient? Dude it has been 10 years. How much more patient do I need to be. When you become an adult it becomes less about how your parents wronged you and more about stepping up and refusing to perpetuate the cycle.