I’m Struggling with quitting Weed while Pregnant because of my Mental Health

TW: suicide, substance abuse

Before getting pregnant, I was a total stoner. Smoked every single day for the past 3 or 4 years. When I started smoking weed, it was because I was struggling with CPTSD and during COVID while being trapped at home, it got significantly worse. I had recently moved to California and noticed that marijuana would completely stunt my emotional breakdowns and triggers from PTSD. It helped in ways I never could’ve imagined. And this is with me being on anti-depressants and in therapy already. It was the only thing that could pull me out of an episode.

Flash forward to now. I’m pregnant. Currently 14 weeks along. I’m still on anti-depressants and I’m still in therapy. I stopped smoking weed as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, but started smoking Delta-8. Well after a few weeks, I ended up learning that Delta 8 is basically just as big a risk as marijuana, and I’ve tried to stop, but I’ve been unable to do that. Cutting the strong stuff was one thing, but cutting it out completely has been near impossible for me. Especially while pregnant. It doesn’t matter that I’m on antidepressants, pregnancy hormones break through that. Plus, my stress is very genuine now. I got pregnant at the worst possible time. I usually work in the film industry, and our unemployment is 3x higher than the rest of the country. The whole industry left the country after the strike two years ago. I barely know anyone who’s working. So I’m currently working a temp job making way less than normal, and coming off of being 8 months unemployed so my credit card debt is high and I’m not making enough to pay it off. I’m also about to lose my insurance for the same reasons. Anytime I try to save for the baby, I end up running out of money and just using my credit card for basic necessities. While I’m fucking pregnant. Also found out I won’t get maternity leave at this temp job. My fiancé also worked in film and is dealing with the same exact issues. I also have insomnia lol. Could be the result of my weed use, but weed was also what I used to help me go to sleep, so that’s been difficult. I’m also an activist, and what Trump is doing is terrifying to me and makes me freak out on the regular. I mean, I’m a woman who’s having a baby girl, and Pete Hegseth literally posted this week that he wants to take away Womens’ rights to vote. How else am I supposed to feel?

So things have not been good. I’m suicidal some days. I get so low that I self harm. Sometimes I deal with it, causing myself to spiral and often end up self-harming. But other times I smoke the Delta-8 instead, and it absolutely helps. It’s the only thing that eases my anxiety and distracts me enough from the issues that are currently happening. But then I feel guilty and wonder how much I’m hurting my baby. But when I’m having episodes that are that bad, I want to kill myself without even thinking of the baby. So that can’t be better.

Idk what to do. I’m already in therapy and on anti-depressants. I guess I’m desperate for some kind of solution that doesn’t involve me just sucking it up, because I’m failing at that.