I’m pissed off

I have BDD because I was constantly criticised and compared by my family when growing up. My mum constantly was watching my weight, always telling me to watch what I eat/drink. I have always been slim/normal, definitely thinner than her, and I still am, yet I THINK I am not because of the constant nitpicking at me during my formative years. I confronted her about doing this and the excuse was ‘I just didn’t want you to get fat’. She even once said to me ‘why do I have daughters so ugly’. WTF. Why thank you for permanently damaging me mentally because of your nonsense requirements. Why couldn’t I just LIVE in peace?! I am just SO angry that I have to suffer the consequences from her and my family’s bullshit. I feel like I would be less pissed off if it was completely self-developed. I hate being constantly insecure, anxious, ashamed of my body. Its made me a shut-in. I would have thought I would be over it at my age, but the damage is done, it’s severe and it’s so hard to improve my self-image.