Need advice about current relationship and my father’s control

I’m 21F seeing 30M and I’d like to hear opinions on what to do going forward. I really don’t want to throw away what we have. For some context, I was originally seeing him in secret to avoid this from happening but alas here we are. I know that it was wrong of me to go and lie and how my dad found out makes his anger/disappointment valid to an extent at least. We moved pretty fast. we met in late may at my job and I was staying over often (saying I was staying at a girl friend’s house). Currently, I’m staying with family for work until I go back to school and stay at my apartment.

Long story short, I was with my bf heading to my apartment. He was helping me move in a table set and couch. I took off of work to do this which set off the barrage of calls and texts from my parents. My dad told me to turn the car around and drop my friend off and go back to have a talk. Then, I came clean about what’s going on and he flipped out and death threats were thrown towards my bf, threatening to come up to my apartment and start trouble with him. My mom tried to settle the situation, trying to reason with my dad but didn’t help. He went to bed early because of work and wanted me to come home. I ended up staying the night with my bf because of that and thought he might have needed space. A wrong move on my part though.

After that, came home the next day and had the talk with my father when he got home from work. Started with him stating he is a conservative and how certain things go this way, how he’s mad about me lying, etc. I had to tell him my bf’s baggage and age and then it came to ‘now we have a problem’. I offered to fix things and make things right, my bf wants to meet my parents and make up for it. The only solution my dad wanted was to end things with him period and I’m not allowed to see him again. (Parents have my location so he would dead show up to his house or my apartment). He basically wants nothing to do with him.

I understand my father’s concerns for me with my bf being much older, having more life experience and his own things to deal with (divorced and co parenting 7 year old daughter) I know my dad is just looking out for me in the end. I also understand the risks that go into being in a relationship with him and how I went about this was wrong. It’s my fault truly and everything that lead up to this moment was my choice.

With that being said, is it really okay for him to control over who I can see? My mom says although she doesn’t agree and has those same concerns, in the end it’s still my choice. My friends tell me that I shouldn’t take that and stand up to my father, saying I am still legally an adult and I can live my life not according to my dad’s comfortability and just go (nicely of course and more in depth). I should still be able to explore a relationship with him and he has been nothing but a saint to me. I feel like if I straight up say that to my father, things will not go pleasantly. However, if that’s the only thing I could do then so be it. Please give me honest feedback and ask anything needed. I really don’t want to give up on this. I still may be my father’s kid but I really just want to be able to make my own choices for a change, you know?