I don’t feel respected in my marriage, but I’m scared of what divorce means for my kids

Disclaimer: I took ChatGPT help to document the below so that I don’t get too verbose.

I’m a 38-year-old woman, married for 11 years to a 39-year-old man. We’re both originally from India, and I moved to the U.S. when I was 27. Ours was an arranged marriage. I was drawn to him because he seemed intelligent, but his family holds very traditional, conservative views that clash with my upbringing. My mother-in-law, in particular, believes in practices like covering a woman head-to-toe, sitting on the ground before elders, and feeding males first which are things I found suffocating, as I was raised in a far less traditional environment.

My childhood was unstable as my mother was physically and emotionally abusive, so my uncle raised me and gave me a modest but decent life.

In the early months of marriage, my husband was fine until one day he hit me so hard my nose bled. He apologized and never hit me again, but our relationship has had many fights some where I’ve hit back in self-defense. The stability he provided financially was one of the few positives. We had our son in 2019, and my mother-in-law’s visit during COVID created a lot of stress, as she ignored my boundaries with my child. My husband didn’t stand up for me or set limits with her. By 2021, my husband began spending 4–5 hours daily with his best friend, often ignoring me, even during my second pregnancy. I told him I felt neglected, but he didn’t change. Today, we both earn well, and our kids are doing okay, but I handle almost all household and childcare responsibilities—cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids’ routines—while he mostly takes out the trash and spends time with his friend. He is a good provider and can be a loving father, but he is also verbally abusive toward both me and our 6-year-old son. He has pushed me, spat on me, and insulted me in front of the kids. My son, who is kind-hearted, recognizes this behavior is wrong, and I don’t want him growing up in this environment. My children are 6 and 2.5 years old. I can’t bear the thought of being separated from them, but I also don’t want to continue living like this. I don’t feel respected in this marriage. My husband is a persuasive communicator and often twists situations to make me look like the problem. I’ve experienced enough abuse that I want to walk away, but when I think of my kids, I feel trapped. I don’t know if I should file for divorce right away. I grew up in a household filled with fights, and I don’t want my children to live through that same trauma. I’m torn between protecting them from conflict and keeping our family together at the cost of my own well-being. I feel deeply helpless and need some guidance.