My Husband Is Suddenly Distant and Angry I Do Not Know How to Cope

Salam,

I (25F) am married for three years to my (34M) husband. It was an arranged marriage, and like many couples, we’ve had ups and downs. But over the past month, his behaviour has changed so drastically that I barely recognise him.

Before, he was so caring. If I was upset, he would console me, hug me, pamper me, and make sure I was okay. If we argued and I went to sleep on the couch, he would come immediately, pick me up in his arms and bring me back to bed while kissing and cuddling me, and talk me through whatever was bothering me. When I was sick, even when I was vomiting or unwell, he would stay by my side, make sure I had water or medicine, and comfort me. He would help with tasks around the house and always make sure I was okay. Now, it feels like none of that exists.

For example, just recently I cooked three dishes to make him happy, even though I was on medication and had a fractured hand. It was hot, and he could see I was in pain, but he didn’t offer to help. When I asked him to lay the table, he ignored me, so I did it myself. At dinner, I simply asked him to put the AC on because I was feeling hot, and he started huffing, puffing, sighing, and acting like I asked him to do some huge favour. Then he complained about bills and deliveries, and when I tried to tell him I was tired and wanted to eat in peace, he shouted, argued, and even threatened to throw things.

If I cry or express upset, he ignores me or tells me to stop crying. If we argue and I go lie down on the couch, instead of coming to me like he used to, he just shrugs with a cold look and says things like, “Who told you to go? You shouldn’t have gone.” I slept there the whole night, and it was devastating because before, he would never have left me alone like that.

In the past, when I’d be sick, even when I was vomiting or unwell, he would stay by my side. He used to hold me while I threw up, help me change into clean clothes, give me water, juice, and medicine, all while cuddling me. Last night, while vomiting, he didn’t come to check on me or offer help like he used to. He came to the bathroom, saw me throwing up, and just walked out. I felt so alone and uncared for.

A week ago, things got so bad that I left the house and went to my parents’ place after he threatened to leave me and kick me out. I asked my parents to sit down and speak with him about what’s happening, hoping it might help. But in front of them, he acted exactly like the caring, gentle man he used to be, which annoyed me because it felt fake. I started speaking loudly and getting angry out of frustration, and it ended up looking like I was the one in the wrong.

We can’t spend time alone in our own home without arguing, so we often stay at my family’s or friends’ houses just to avoid conflict. He would never have let us sleep apart before, but now we sleep separately most days, and he doesn’t seem interested in intimacy at all.

The most recent incident left me shaken. Last night, during an argument, he threatened to call my dad at 1 a.m., fully aware of how stressed my family already is because a very close relative is seriously ill. I begged him not to, putting my own pride aside, but he did it anyway. When my dad called back, I grabbed the phone and pleaded with him not to stress my father. My husband answered, telling my dad it was an accident, but by then my dad had already panicked and kept asking if everything was okay. He even called me afterward, still worried, and I could barely stop crying thinking about the panic in his voice.

I feel so alone, hurt, and drained. I know I’m not perfect. I raise my voice sometimes and storm off during arguments. But this sudden coldness, cruelty, lack of affection, and unpredictability is something I don’t know how to handle. I’m at a loss. I don’t want to stress my parents further because of everything they’re going through, and I feel incredibly guilty because my issues seem trivial compared to the life-threatening illness they’re dealing with. My family are the most supportive, sweet people, and I hate feeling like I’m adding to their burden.

I don’t know who else to speak to, which is why this is so long, and I’m truly sorry for the rant.

I’m looking for sincere advice from my sisters and brothers here. From an Islamic perspective, how should I handle this sudden change in my husband’s behaviour? Could there be a deeper reason for it, or is it simply a change in his character? How do I protect my own mental and emotional health while addressing this situation? Please keep me in your duʿās.

Jazākum Allāhu khayran.