cry to sleep, wake to cry again

i spent the whole morning trying to release the pain of the love i may never see. i dont understand why you getting a new job gives me so much anguish and grief. im proud of you, but at the same time i feel like im losing you.

more accurately, i think im losing the motivation that you being near gave me. the possibility of seeing you got me out of bed in the morning, it inspired me to take care of myself and try my hardest to smile through the pain.

maybe i was using the fantasy of us to give my life meaning and purpose subconsciously when i felt like i had lost everything.

sincerely, i hope that you succeed wherever you are going and that it leads to whatever life you imagine yourself in.

regardless of whether my feelings are requited, you deserve to be happy.

remember that i believe in you no matter what.

im always here, if you need me.

im not going anywhere.

i promise.