[1227] Immaterial Contest, Chapter 1 Vacancy

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well, or at least not horrible.

My reviews:

[914] All That We See or Seem. Review [496]

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1maeiti/comment/n83fq95/?context=3

[743] Steadfast Morning. Review [994 words]

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1mi1jaa/comment/n8al0lx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Note: I usually post the entire project on a personal webpage. I'll include a link if anyone asks, but the website is not phone friendly and it also implies I am trying to push the rest of the project here, so I'll just post a google doc.

The project is meant to be a Unreal Tournament (1999) inspired project set in a space-faring, neo-Iron Age era where the themes of violence and human to human interaction are prevalent across a dystopian and vastly multicultural universe. Gladiators fight in a tournament and the technology of the world is controlled by other esoteric means, which at times diminish or enhance humanity.

I'll start by saying, I do not like this chapter and this is why I posted it. In 48 hours I will post another chapter of the same project with which I am pleased in contrast. But for this one, I just can't pinpoint my issue with it.

I find any beginnings difficult and most of the feedback I've gotten so far is from non-scifi readers. The feedback I've gotten is that poetic text tends to undermine the need, of flat and to the point scifi worldbuilding, whereas esoteric themes and characterizations demand for more colourful, and/or liturgical prose. In the span of a single chapter it seems difficult to develop this contrast and to also also start with a scene full of action on top of that. I feel the chapter is somewhat disjointed without being able to clearly pinpoint my issue.

I'm looking for feedback on anything actually. Maybe mostly focused on the flow, how to swap from one to the other as I mentioned on the previous paragraph and of course the prose and worldbuilding. What do I hint towards? Is the text tiring to read? Do you think its a good idea to simplify in order to make reading easier?

I'm personally leaning towards a total, or at least 60+% rewrite on this.

NSFW tags: [Violence, Gore]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tu_AXpGS62SLWfRs8jbpvZTbWch5AJyFa0HKLHO5Uzc/edit?usp=sharing

Also, I'm not sure if I should post 2 more of my 2k+ reviews here as I am keeping them for the next post. If the provided reviews are not enough, I can do that.