Insecurities

Here i am again. Silently crying and asking god to take me, couz my family making fun of my insecurities. Do you know what broke me the most? My mom also joined them laughing, and all i can do is to smile and laugh as if it wasn't hurt me. It is really hard to have a broken family, couz in this kind of situation that i can't open up to my mom. I dont have someone to cry on shoulder and talk with my feelings with. I don't have that someone who will understand me couz right now i dont also understand my self, starting to doubt and questioning my self why am i still alive.