experience with communication issue?

for those here who struggle with feeling like no matter what you say or do, people just never seem to receive it in a way that matches how it was intended…have you found ways to improve it?

it just feels like the more open or transparent i try to be, the worse i make things. never known anyone who turns small or even non-existent issues into large ones with the frequency i seem to. and feels even worse bc my intent is to address those small issues and resolve them so that they don’t fester and somehow always seem to turn them into even larger issues than what i was trying to prevent had i just done nothing.

the feeling misunderstood is bad enough by itself, but as years go by it just keeps getting harder and harder to maintain any kind of relationships, and far more difficult to even form them to begin with (which is kinda necessary when most things seem to have hidden, built-in expiration dates.) like in relationships that end up successfully forming initially, they always seem to roughly the same pattern…there’s that initial excitement/feeling finally understood, then learning more about them and sharing more about myself, eventually that plateaus, and it no longer feels as natural (doesn’t help that im dealing with several chronic health issues, have been on disability over a decade, and most days dont have the energy to leave the house, so i dont create many new experiences to share. once the past is burned through, future and dreams and what youre trying to do and hope to reach are spent, ive kinda just got nothing. no one really wants to hear which of the same pains cycling are at the forefront that day and how whichever one is dominant at present impacts current struggle, or whether pain, fatigue, mental health stuff is what i woke up to find largest obstacle to any kind of functioning. so i try not to really burden others with it, but then i dont really have much else bc whatever that struggle is that day takes up so much of me. but just seems like empathy or seeming understanding eventually gives way to frustration and an ever widening gap always seem to reveal itself eventually.

(i realize there’s far more going on here than specifically applies to this subreddit, but that stuff felt necessary for context, but im specifically asking about the communication struggle aspects. because i’m the only common denominator. the problem (or at least most of the responsibility for the miscommunication) is me. i keep trying to improve it, but i just don’t seem to get it. (similar to how apparently using the word “honestly” somehow triggers people into feeling youre being dishonest and is received the exact opposite how its intended. like to me, im emphasizing that i have fully thought through what im about to say, analyzed it weighing multiple alternatives or perspectives, and am sharing the results of that which are the honest truth as best as im able to understand it. hence why im stating “honestly.” but ive tried cutting back on that based on feedback, but also realizing that it only tend to use it when i have already been feeling misunderstood and im trying to wrest things back to understanding.

(that was just the simplest example i could think of, and easiest to communicate clearly, but there just seems to be endless hidden minefields that most people seem to just get or see easily, but i have no idea how they do so. and when i try to talk things through i get accused of making excuses, being defensive, deflecting blame (which really annoys me, bc i basically start from an assumption of im at fault even if i don’t understand why and im trying to understand what the root of issue is so i can correct it and not make the same mistake again) and whatever else and i just don’t get where that negative bias springs from. i do know i can be frustrating to deal with, considered very stubborn, but in any kind of argument ive thought through the logic of it from both perspectives, and im not actually presenting “my case,” like i dont see those situations as me vs them, i see the problem as the disconnect between our two perceptions and im trying to help get things to a shared understanding so that we can then productively address whatever the underlying issue is that is driving the conflict between us. but im just so tired of that, and none of the ways ive tried to improve my communication has made a difference. if anything i just continually make it worse. but i dont get why people often end up accusing me of only caring about being right or “winning” and i cant find a way to get through to them that i dont care about winning (outside of competitive activities of course lol) i just want to fix things and that starts by both people having a shared understanding about what the problem is. if anyone is upset (*undeservedly upset, like if dealing with an abuser, their upset doesn’t matter) but in a normal disagreement, i haven’t won if they feel like they’ve lost. winning is successfully resolving the issue together and moving past it. anything else, and if want to put it in win-lose terms, it’s a loss to me.