What resources can I read to understand myself better?

I think I am just looking for something to read or what I could do in the meantime.

My therapist has canceled scheduled appointments, including rescheduled ones. I’ve been going through a lot and the sessions really put me “behind” in a sense. Me looking forward in going and talking about a topic I never did before, wanted to share things like what I am working on. Then, the session is cancelled.

When I do eventually go, it’s like, I don’t care about talking about those things anymore. It’s gone and went, even though I am still doing those things.

I am struggling and the cancellations are, I think, numbing me. I don’t know how I am feeling. I don’t feel anything. I do have a sense that I have this “imploding” feeling brewing inside of me with words.

What can I do? Is there something I could read or what is this called, I don’t understand, I just want to explain what is going on and I can’t.