I’m falling in love with someone who is bread-crumbing me.

I’m in college for the first time and so is my crush. I know that gaining freedom during this time will create many gateways for new experiences. I hate myself for having these tendencies for falling for people too quickly and deeply, to the point where I could not move on. Alex is my neighbor, and the moment i met him, I realized that i could not be just platonic friends with him. The way his new haircut looks on him, the way he towers over me, his deep voice, and the way he makes me laugh. Within one night, i fell for him and the way his hand overwhelms mine. Whenever i’m around him, i got a fuzzy feeling in my chest that feels like puppy love. Whenever i lay next to him, his warmth put me to sleep. Sometimes the silence between us brings me the comfort of being in an unfamiliar place. The first time I slept over in his bed, we became very touchy and I thought he felt the same way I do. The next day, I was rejected and felt heartbroken. He ignored me for days. Until things became casual enough for us to joke together and have fun as close friends. The day before, I slept over again. We weren’t touchy, but he was constantly patting and rubbing my head. The next morning, he would pin my hands up, forcing me to watch a video that he thought was funny. The little physical contact gives me butterflies. But the moment we step out of his room, it was back to square one. Cold, quiet, avoidance. Sometimes, when he saw that I was hanging on bed with another guy, he would have a weird shift and would close up on my legs. Sometimes, we would watch movies together and he would touch my head again. What hurts was he would tell me that he values our friendship, and tell others that he does not like me romantically. I understand, and I respect it, but it still hurts. Honestly, everyone’s been telling me that he’s only doing this because he likes the attention and the fact that I like him. Therefore, he’s keeping me in arms’ reach. I believe it, I know it, but I allow him to do so because I love him and his touches. I’m just saying this to clear my heart and mind. He’s going to another college today, and all my friends tell me he’s getting laid over there. Which is not uncommon for college students, but that makes my stomach twists, I just want to cry.