To my mom

Don't mind me, I'm writing a series of letters to process through feelings and some trauma.

Mom,
I hate you, really I do, I will never forgive you for my childhood. You were a child-abusing monster, I'm fucked up because of you. I have to go to therapy because I can't form normal fucking relationships. You're lack of love has caused me grief my entire life. I abandon people and reject them because I'm so scared of me being abandoned. I'm fucking glad you died.

Why didn't you love me? I deserved that, I deserved a healthy childhood, I didn't deserve you. You fucked me up and I can't even tell you how much hate I hold, I don't care if you were hurt, I don't care!

You beat me, you let me run away and beat me when I came home, you told me I shouldn't have come back. I was 7 you fucking psycho! You hated me, you always looked at me with disdain! You didn't care when I was hungry, if I showered, if my clothes were clean, that our house was a filthy shithole! We were fucking poor but you always had cigarettes and vodka! You took that kitten and you killed it, I was just excited to share him with you, why!? That messed me up, I cry about it still, why were you so fucked up. It was a fucking kitten! I wish you were in hell. I wish you were suffering for your fucked up shit!

I fucking hate you!