8.30 leaving for Paris tomorrow

I my sister FaceTimes us along with he two kids. I don’t know why but I just feel invisible. I guess I feel invisible wherever I go. I don’t really keep up with friends and when I try it’s just not the same anymore. They don’t really say much and I guess I don’t want to pry. I guess I don’t know how people keep up with friends nowadays. All my life I had trouble trying to keep up with friends. Mostly I don’t really want to look back on my childhood not saying it was the worst but I feel like it wouldn’t be something I would fondly look back upon. I don’t know. People judge me most of my life which is why I’d rather stay hidden most days. Most of my childhood friends are toxic where they project their insecurities at me and see me as a punching bag. I guess that’s how they can be “themselves” around.

Sometimes I really don’t know what I’m looking for. Nowadays. I guess I really am an avoidant person.