***October 7th***


On the day of Al-Aqsa Flood, I remember waking up and seeing videos of Palestinians breaking out of the Gaza prison and resistance fighters entering "Israel" on paragliders. I remember seeing minutes later a video of Israeli missiles firing into the Gaza Strip and later another from Gaza, where everything was covered in fire. I remember seeing a lot of fucked up stuff. "Israeli" homes burned and floors covered in blood and Zionist police in shootouts with Palestinian fighters. I remember initially feeling joy and later horror and after that, fear. People in my family and elsewhere told me how Hamas supposedly beheaded babies, necrophilia, mass raped "Israeli" women, etc. I already had a decent understanding of the topic and was pro-Palestine. So I was able to try argue with family and friends. However, I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming propaganda thrown at me and others.


***Almost two years later***


It's now the end of August as of me posting and soon it will have been two years since Al-Aqsa Flood and the ongoing war of genocide against the Palestinian people of Gaza. Over those (almost) two years, I have felt many things, often at the same time.


***Rage***


I feel rage for the heinous crimes of the Zionist entity and its supporters. I feel rage for the indifference or even enthusiastic consent of the world's governments and leaders. I feel rage for the disgusting deception and denialism of pro-genocide influencers and activists. I feel rage for the failure of the world to stop this genocide immediately. And I feel rage for so much more.


***Grief***


I grieve for the Palestinians. For those who have lost their mothers, their fathers, their sons and daughters, their brothers and sisters, their husbands, their wives, their nephews and neices, their cousins and their friends. I grieve for the destruction of their livelihoods, their homes, their dignity, their pride and their humanity. I grieve for the humiliation, torture, rape and misery of the Palestinians in "Israeli" prisons. I grieve for those who have are starving and who are displaced. I grieve for Palestine and especially for Gaza.


***Guilt***


I feel guilty. Guilty for my inability to do anything adequate to help the Palestinians and for my cowardice to try. I feel guilt for my country's collaboration with the Zionist entity and I feel guilty for the Zionist entity claiming to do the worst crimes imaginable in my name. Yes, I advocate and speak our. But I could do so much more.


***Agony***


From all of this, I have felt immense agony from the core of my heart and soul. Pain worse than any physical pain I have felt. A pain that never ends and is always there. But I have not just felt negative things. There are many days when I think that the Palestinians are doomed and that "Israel" has finally won. Total hopelessness. My life sucks, but compared to the Palestinians and billions of others, I have it great. This knowledge is excruciating.


***Hope***


Despite the dispair I have repeatedly felt and the even bigger temptation of falling to nihilism, there are things that keep me hopeful. There are things that wake me up from the dispair and encourage me to have an iota of bravery. The resilience of the Palestinian people and their resistance especially. There are countless unbelievable footage of Palestinian guerrilas in Gaza fighting against one of the most powerful militaries on Earth with almost nothing but an old gun, DIY explosives and improvised weapons. Some of the bravest acts I have ever seen on tape have come out of Gaza. And there's the Palestinian people's steadfastness and survival despite impossible odds against them.


***Clarity***


The recent events in Gaza have given me clarity and much knowledge. Gaza has taught me important lessons that I will never forget. That the West, especially the United States, has zero moral high-ground whatsoever. That international law is a farce. That neutrality isn't always correct. But more importantly are deeper lessons about humanity. The crimes of the Zionist entity and its accomplices has taught me beyond any doubt that evil is very real and that it has no limits. I used to believe there was some good in everyone. I was mistaken. Though a small minority, there are some people who are pure evil. Not just bad people. But people who are sick and rotten to the core. But I have also learned the strength of the human spirit. The resilience, bravery and selflessness of people, even when the world stands against them. I have faith that history will absolve the Palestinians and that they will be free. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not in a year. Maybe not in a decade. Maybe not in a century. But I have hope that they will one day be free. Completely and totally free.


That's all I've got to say. Free Palestine 🇵🇸 

Palestine and me