I need to get this out

I sat a med school entrance exam a few days ago and didn’t do too well on it. Ever since then I’ve been such a mess, I dedicated so many hours into this exam all for nothing. I have near perfect grades and the thought of this exam ruining everything is making me cry all the time. I already have such a low self esteem, for the longest time I thought my academics were the only good thing about me but now I don’t even have that to fall back on. I keep thinking I’m gonna disappoint my teachers when I go back to school, that they’re gonna realise just how stupid I am and all my grades were just a facade. I keep worrying and crying about how I’ve let my parents down even though they’ve been so understanding, but deep down I’m worried they loathe me for potentially having to take a gap year. I feel so insecure and I’m starting to get passive suicidal thoughts now. I’m never going to act on them because I don’t wish to cause my loved ones pain but I feel so guilty and so weak for even thinking about it.