AIOOO PLSS

ok basically i had a thread posted somewhere else hours ago abt my situation and bc i was getting a lot of bias views from my friends i decided to just post on here. which is way better anyway since its anonymous and i can go more in detail.

(i also have a update on what happened after plus how my feelings changed when i arrived). btw advice, commentary and suggestions are welcome:)

background:

the person i describe as “boo” is my sugar daddy. while not being too far apart in age we arent of the same group whether its wealth, class, or race.

we started as transactional. both of us honestly didnt expect to click. he literally met me one day started sending money randomly then later on tricking..i had went thru a very traumatic experience w my ex before him tho so i was super stand offish. i remember he planned 2 dates in the beginning and i “set him up” he says lol. tbh he left after i told him i wasnt sure lol but regardless he continued trying to purse me and his effort made me decide to give him a chance. once i stopped being so mad at the world i realized i actually really like him. he has a free spirit and we lowkey go together.

ok so heres my post :

“ im single but i feel guilty and nasty! only bc im omw to see my “boo” but i fucking slept with my hb a week ago. i had told him we werent doing anything before i got there and now i feel kinda played. he agreed bc 1) im on my period 2) me and him were supposed to be done. hes 1 of my old inexperienced bodies and ngl i wasnt tryna fuck that again. ugh however tho things happened. the sex has improved this time so im not too upset but i still feel fricking horrible, my stomach is in knots like im going to throw up. “

my response to a comment : we arent tg so ian cheat. we’re in the getting to know/ seeing other ppl phrase of our relationship. but we are sexually active tho. plus he goes down on me for a longggg time so im very anxious. 1) of his mouth being down there. it feels almost disrespectful. 2) scared of him sensing something different. a smell, discharge consistency, etc this man be in it and knows what goes onn. i wanna tell him, he tells me his business but he hasnt shared anything recently.. also im checked im good lol but again im very transparent and possessive so idk this talking stuff new to me.

UPDATE:

came in and off the bat i see evidence. 2 tubes of grabba on my side of the bed (he doesnt use grabba). then i go in the bathroom was curious so i push the garbage and found a used condom. ig theres my answer. and he didnt even cum i think bc they were empty asf. im not shocked bc once again ik what it is already but it makes me feel stupid for even caring so much abt the hb situation or excluding my body. hes fucking and sucking no problem no guilt. and i cant even fuck a guy without shaking and feeling dirty or like im a bad person. ngl tho as much as seeing the condom hurt me bc i thought he stopped fucking with ppl, it also made me feel relieved ig knowing i wasnt the only one fucking.

suggestions on how to get over this obsession of now wanting to know his lovelife. ik its not my business but its lowkey eating at me. i want to know who is she, is she the girl he told me, what does she look like, and how does she sound? does she do anything better than me in the bedroom? does hw like her more? etc all these weird questions that i didnt have before.

im just a mess rn. and i also kinda feel as if im not enough bc we literally have a lot of sex. like im satisfied. i get we are long distance but i would literally wait to see with him. his size and that only was enough for me. but majority of the time with guys ig its not the same feeling. trying not to feel bummed but damn it feels like i got slapped.

i dont get how he could spoil me for so long yet crave me AND someone else.