Therapy [F]

I started seeing a therapist once a week a few weeks ago. He’s an older male, and I can’t help but get super subby with him. I’ve been doing my best to keep it in check, but it’s not easy.

We talked about my struggles with motivation and discipline, and now… he’s given me tasks. I have a set wake-up time, a bedtime, scheduled meals, he’s helping me structure my entire day. He’s surprisingly strict about it too, and I love it. When I slip even a little, he shakes his head and gives me this soft tsk,it’s honestly the best sound in the world.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wavered just enough… Would he have no choice but to punish me? Would I end up over his lap as he tsks me again?

But beyond the fantasies, I need his approval more than I want to admit. When I update him with a successful schedule, his foot taps, he rests his chin in his hand, trying to hide his smile. I tell him, “I did exactly what you told me to do.” It’s loaded, and I know it. But I can’t help myself.

Part of me thinks I’m leading him into something dangerous. He’s such a natural dominant, I can feel it. And maybe, just maybe… I’m helping him as much as he’s helping me.

Do you think he knows what I’m doing?