Need to vent

Sorry I have to vent to someone… i feel so stupid it happened again. It been a week today that My ex/babydad raped me again. I didn’t see him for like 5 years since we were together and he was doing it then.. I took my kid to a family camping trip on his side not knowing he would be there. How it worked out is that me and him had to share tent.. it was the only way that made sense. I feel so stupid that I agreed to share with him.. it was a big tent so I didn’t have to be right next to him and he was being so nice the whole day tho I thought I’d be fine 2 nights. The first night he being so nice and really making effort to talk to me. Then later that night I went to bed and he stayed to drink with his fam. He was really drunk when he came in tent I woke up to him fumbling around. He lay down next to me and he didn’t know I was awake but I felt him come under my blanket and was really close to me. I swear he started jacking off next to me. I could like hear him but I’m not 100% sure. Then a couple times it felt like he was rubbing his thing against me but I wasn’t 100% either cuz he was moving his whole body around a lot and it could’ve been accident. I was so scared and uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to do and I wasn’t sure if he was doing what I thought. Then the next morning I ask his mom if there’s anyway I can sleep by myself and she said yeah but then she forget to tell the rest of the fam so when it was bed time everyone just went to the same spots and I was stuck with him. I didn’t know until I was already in bed and he climb in next to me. He started touching my body and telling me he love and miss me and all this stuff. I wasn’t really interested in it and he just didn’t get the hint. When he started taking me clothes off I told him to stop and he didn’t and I just keep asking him and he like ‘we just gonna have sum fun’ and he kept saying that over and over. He was trying to push himself in me and I was really trying to push it away but he was stronger and once he got it in I just froze up and didn’t know what to do.. my body was in shock it was happening again. I just let him do it again. I think he on drugs again cuz he didn’t sleep and had so much energy cuz he raped me the entire night.. he stayed up all night and it felt like he didn’t stop. He also finished in me everytime and I’m so scared now I took plan b next day but still scared of chances. And I feel so used and disgusting.. it made me feel so violated.. He had this look in his eye I never seen before. He made me look in his eye during some parts and they were so crazy he looked like a monster. I’m trying to keep it together. But it’s really messing with my head… I feel so alone. I keep posting and deleting cuz I’m scared