i can’t do it anymore (little vent)

i’m writing this because i’m genuinely at my limit rn, i have no more left in me, it feels like my hyper sexuality is taking over my life and it make me feel disgusting all the fucking time, i can’t stop masturbating, having rape kinks and all sort of fucking kinks i can’t control, this is the worst it has got i can’t even sit and control myself anymore i can’t focus on normal tasks and at night i can’t even sleep because of the nightmares i get of the months of me being raped and used, i feel like i’m pretending to be someone i’m not i feel like i’m lying to everyone, on the outside i’m this talented sweet caring boy but in reality i’m a huge fucking disgusting mess and i’m genuinely at my breaking point all alone and nothing i do can fix it, i’m so fucking alone while everyone’s normal.