I don't know how much longer I can do this

(disclaimer: sorry i tend to like go off topic a lot, cause I'm currently super emotional)

A couple of months ago, I made a post about just graduating from college and turning 22, and coming home to my parents making a whole list of requirements they expected me to do, which included taking care of them, doing all the cleaning, and taking full responsibility for my sisters. I've been struggling to find a job because of the job market, so I'm still stuck at home, but thankfully they forgot about most of the stuff they said. However, they've gotten so strict and terrible ever since I came home.

Earlier in the summer, after I came home, I decided to go to my cousin’s house with my cousins (my parents couldn’t say no because they have a different personality in front of the rest of the family). But they told me I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere because they have my location, and that I was only allowed to stay at my cousin’s house. So I went there and stayed for 2 weeks until my parents made them send me back. I confided in my cousin-in-law about my parents and what they said, and how they're so controlling and constantly track my location (when I would be out with my cousins grocery shopping, they would call to make sure I was with them). I gave them no reason to ever act like this. I've always been a good daughter — helped out at home, had good friends, never really gone out, studied, etc. They've always been super strict and controlling, but recently it's just been worse. I've never had a big sister growing up, and she was the closest thing to one for me. However, when I told her about my parents, she relayed it back to my mother and told her everything I said. Since then, I haven’t been allowed to leave my house unless I’m going to the store, the gym, dropping my sisters off, or anywhere with them.

I've gone on summer vacations with them and their friend group and their kids, but I was usually the odd one out because everyone would be either little kids or adults, so I would find myself just being by myself at times. My parents took it as me refusing to socialize and started yelling at me consistently, saying how I'll never be anything because I am not friendly and I have no personality, and they threatened to kick me out with nowhere to go every single time. It’s hard for me to even find a part-time job because they make me work with them at their gas stations super early in the morning with no pay. They tell me it's because they provide for me, and this is basically me paying them back. If I'm not working with them, they make me cook lunch and dinner and clean before they come back from work, and then yell at me for not doing anything. It's hard for me to sleep early because I have insomnia, but they always yell at me if I'm not awake by 7. I haven’t gotten much sleep since I’ve come back home, so that has also taken a huge toll on me.

Whenever I talk to my sister about my parents, she sides with them, saying that I’m ungrateful and that unlike me, she actually loves our parents. All of my hometown friends are gone or have been driven away by my parents, and my college friends are in the city. So I've just been isolated and it's taking a toll on me. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for almost a year now (my parents do not know). If they found out, I think they would kill me (my parents have always talked about finding me a husband through arranged marriage). So far, he has been like my light and my motivation to keep going because I feel like he is the only person who would actually defend me. He's tried his best to find a job so he could help me out of my situation, but the job market has been hard on him too.

I haven’t really made an update because I find myself feeling sympathy for my parents despite everything they put me through. When I was younger, my mother would physically abuse me by sitting on me, tying me with rope, and shutting me in a closet. I brought it up to her once and she was shocked that I still remembered because I was 4 at the time. Then she yelled at me for only remembering the bad stuff she’s done to me. When I confided in her about being sexually assaulted by a family member, she used it as a way to not let me do anything or go anywhere with my friends, and the first thing she said was, “Let’s not tell your dad, because he’ll be heartbroken.” She still invites this family member over and makes us stay at his house.

I’ve gone through so much in the past few months and I am trying my best to apply to jobs to get out of my situation. I made it to a final interview recently and never heard back, so I was completely crushed knowing that I had a glimpse of freedom. I’m trying my best to stay strong and keep applying to get out of my situation, but it’s been super hard. I just wanted to vent here in case anyone could relate or try to give me that glimmer of hope.