Did meth again, not addiction issue

I do it about once every year, or couple years depending on the crowd im in, or who im hanging with or one time I found it on the side of the road and took it to the library and did it there.. but even then I dont let it take control. Granted everytime im about to do it I get immensely nervous and start getting sweaty palms cos im scared , well not but in a sense nervous cos I haven't done it in a while. when I did it at the library, I wanted to confirm if it was meth or coke and id know immediately after the snort cos meth burns so bad. And naturally it burned pretty bad, so I threw it out, it was found in a bag that had been crushed to push probably from a car running over it.. so I wasnt sure if it was coke or not. But I digress,I went on a date with a dude who very clearly was a methhead, and I didnt let it cloud my judgment, he was still chill. I had to sleep over cos no ride and very far, I woke up to my regular pains and I didnt have my medicine with me cos I didnt know I was spending the night, I asked him if he had anything for pain and he mentioned having anything but, and I asked if I could have a little but for my pain, cos it was unbearable at that point, and he wanted to smoke it, I declined to smoke it cos it lasts longer and keeps u up with smoking it, and if he could give me a small peice to crush for me just to hold me over and he obliged. I was so nervous but of course felt it in cos I didnt wanna scare him and I seem like some noob, I was so nervous but once I did that line, my pain and literal emotional suffering went away, I adored the fuck out of it. But ik how I am with drugs, I have to be careful. I dont wanna end up like my sister. Its a fun recreational for once every few years but real addiction is what scares me. Im gratful for willpower. Cos I enjoyed the high at the library that one time and I still flushed it down the toilet. I cant risk it.