Hi everyone,

This is a test scene from a larger work, but I’ve shaped it to stand on its own for critique. I’d love feedback on three things in particular:

1. Where did it hook you?
2. Where did you lose interest or feel confused?
3. What feeling did you carry at the end?

Thank you for reading

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Test Scene — “Next”

The thermometer beeped.
A crease touched the doctor’s brow, then smoothed away as if erased by habit.

“Mild fever,” she said, clipped. “Precautionary injection.”

Claire blinked, clutching her son tighter. “Injection?”
The word broke from her lips before she could stop it, thin and sharp with disbelief.

The doctor’s eyes flicked up at last, cool and quick.
“Yes. If you delay, you risk complications — children decline fast at this age.”
Her tone cut clean, leaving no air between sentence and judgment.

Claire opened her mouth, but the doctor had already turned.
“Nurse!”

The word rang down the corridor like metal on glass.
A nurse hurried over, tray in hand. The doctor didn’t look back.

“Routine,” the nurse murmured, as if reading Claire’s terror. “No charge.”

A tap of the pen against the clipboard — curt, final.
The doctor snapped it shut.

“Next.”

Her heels clicked away, brisk and merciless, leaving silence in her wake.

Claire stood frozen, her child pressed against her chest, the echo of that one word — Next — hanging in the sterile air.