SIL didn’t check temp on formula, burned baby, I’m still upset 1 week later

I’ll start of by saying that i love my sister in law. She is a midwife, and she ended up being our go to person for the entire pregnancy. We eventually started going to her (she works at the hospital) for checkups, and that turned into us wanting her there during the birth as support, but our relationship grew to the point where she litterally delivered our baby. I was induced, and she came to the hospital (on her vacation, mind you) to be with us. I was so uncomfortable with a new midwife every 3 hours shoving their hands in my vagina for the induction pills, that eventually my SIL started doing it instead. And during labour, she put on her work uniform and was with us the entire time, when baby was ready to come out she was the one to grab him. Words can’t express how close we are and how comfortable I am with her, and that’s very new to me because I rarely let people in.

However, last week we went to her house because we were out shopping and wanted to be able to eat our food at the same time for the first time in 9 weeks. She took the baby, and was going to feed him. We use the Philips bottles, and for those unfamiliar with them, the milk/formula does not «drip out» like other bottles. You actually have to kinda milk the bottle to get it out. I saw that she tapped the bottle on her hand, nothing came out, and before I could think twice she gave my baby the bottle and he yelled out the most horrifying shriek I’ve ever heard. I felt like I was going to pass out when I realised what had happened, and the sound he made has seriously been on repeat in my head for an entire week now. I grabbed the bottle, tested it, and even I would have burnt myself if I had drank from that.

She was obviously very quick to take the bottle away, and baby probably only got a tiny drop before he reacted, he didn’t actually manage to drink or swallow the formula. She checked his mouth and he had no burn marks, and he only cried for a little bit and then drank the formula with no issues when it was cooled down.

So the situation could obviously have been much worse, and my SIL was horrified at what she had done. I took the baby right after, I seriously thought I was going to throw up, I also was not able to eat my dinner because I felt so sick.

I feel so guilty for not paying attention when she didn’t get any milk out, and now I have such anxiety about anyone even holding my baby. I’m not mad at her, but I am a little shocked that it happened since obviously she knows a lot about babies and has a 4 year old and all that.

The main problem is that I know have so much anxiety. I’m completely fine at home, apart from the guilt, but as soon as I even think about visiting family I feel like I want to hide in a fucking bomb shelter with my baby until he is a grown adult. We are not letting anyone else feed him now, my boyfriend was just as horrified as me so we have set that as a boundary. But I had already started having a growing anxiety about others holding my baby, and now it’s even worse.

Does this get better? Any advice? I know some of you will tell me to seek therapy, but my country has free health care so the waiting time is around 3 months, and I would for sure be denied to see a therapist since I’m not like on the verge of ending my life or anything (it truly is that hard to get therapy in my country). I could always find a private therapist, but I honestly can’t afford it, we barely make ends meet lately since I’m on paid maternity leave and therefore not working so I can’t earn extra money.

Also baby is 9 weeks, if that matters.