what is wrong with my mind

it so hard for me to do ANYTHING. i have to run everything in my head just to do it but then i spend too much time thinking about doing it so i just dont end up doing it and feel shitty. its the easiest and most mundane things too. just an hour ago i thought to myself that i have to 1) go wash my face/brush my teeth 2)skincare 3) clean up my room a little. its been an hour and i have not done ANY of it. i keep thinking about the sequence i should do things, the outcome of NOT doing it etc.

stuff like going out of my house makes things so much worse. i constantly overthink about arriving too late or too early. even if im 5 minutes early i feel like shit and awkward just having to stand there for 5 minutes. if im 5 minutes late i also feel shitty and awkward for interrupting something.

god forbid i have to go somewhere alone. i feel so overwhelmed and awkward going somewhere alone. i have to eat out for lunch alone once a week for my schedule and i obsessively check everything and overthink about the restaurant/cafe im going to. what if its too crowded and i have to wait for a table alone like some weirdo? what if people see me eating alone and think im weird? what if people make fun of me?

i hate being perceived. i have being acknowledged. i dont even feel comfortable in my own house (i live with flatmates). i feel overwhelming dread if i have to cook a meal while they are in the living area/kitchen so i sometimes just go hungry or cook at odd times to avoid them. i stay cooped up in my room all day until i work up the courage to even refill my bottle in the kitchen.

what is wrong with me?? why is doing ANYTHING so hard for me