I don't think I did the right thing by coming out

I don't really believe in romance anymore. When your passion is never reciprocated or it's used against you, what is the point? It's just opening yourself up to more pain.

I could tolerate sex with men fine. Yeah it's not great, but it's fine. Nothing in this life is perfect. I think if I get really lonely again I might try dating them again, since they actually like me, show interest, and tend to be clear about what they want.

I think about the last man I dated, who I saw push a homeless man's wheelchair through 3 blocks of Manhattan and Times Square so he could more easily get to his destination. I think about how I gave up that kindness, just so I could be discarded like trash by women who see absolutely nothing wrong with treating me that way.

I think my current life is supposed to be about career and creative achievements, and intellectual stimulation, rather than romance. And that's ok. I have people who i care about, who care about me.

I do think i made a mistake in coming out and destroying my mental health for it, which i have finally started to rebuild. Idk, this isn't for everyone and i don't have a ton of emotional pain tolerance.