Frustrated - Pressure to Keep Son in Faith

Background - my wife and I have attended church our whole lives, and have raised two children in it. My daughter, 16, believes all of it, as does my wife. I'd call it a general faith and trust, and not going full-bore into any denomination or fundamentalism. I became a Universalist several years ago, and since then I've been trying to shed harmful ideas and deal with some mental health and toxic relationship issues. I was raised in a Dobson-influenced home, and my older sister was "broken" by my parents. I became an obedient, golden-child people pleaser which has had it's own tough consequences. I've had to admit to myself that I was a Christian because of fear, obligation, guilt and manipulation, and I'm frustrated and resentful of that fact.

My son is 14, with level 1 autism and sees through a lot of basic Christian claims. He watches Alex O'Connor and some other atheist content, and has some big questions that I don't see very good Christian responses for:

1. The problem of evil with an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God.

2. If the Fall is to blame for animal suffering, then how to explain suffering before the fall (thousands or millions of years ago).

3. Why should we believe in the resurrection or miracles? Where's the evidence? An all-powerful God could give us better evidence, and get more people to believe, which certainly would be God's will, right??

I've tried to give honest answers to his questions, and not force him into faith or gaslight him. I readily admit when there aren't any good answers, and where the Bible has contradictions or just doesn't make sense.

Yesterday morning as soon as I woke up, my wife wanted to discuss my influence on my son's faith. She fears that I'm leading him astray, and she "wants him in heaven with her." She also brought up our agreement two decades ago to raise children in the faith, so my issues trigger some feelings of betrayal and abandonment as well. She is very sensitive to these feelings, and there are many other ways in the marriage where I feel pressure to be the person she wants, to fit into a mold, meet her emotional needs, etc. This is another example of pressure to "not make waves" and go along with the church. Reflecting on yesterday, it seems like she is accusing me of leading my son to hell, and this makes me mad! I'm trying to be an honest sounding board for my son! I want to scream that it's NOT MY JOB TO MAKE THE BIBLE MAKE SENSE! I want to have my OWN beliefs, not those forced onto me. If God is truth, and I am pursuing truth, then I'm actually pursuing God, no??

I need to find a way to stand up for myself delicately, but also make sure I'm being heard. Most of the big theological issues go over her head (her words), so she wants me to do the homework and convince our son. I guess the best I can do is give the best Christian arguments for things and the best non-Christian arguments, and let him choose. But if he chooses "wrongly," I'll still be blamed, it seems. I've vented to her before that I'm honestly tired of spending all these brain cells on Bible issues, and I need to REST. At least she gets that point...