Need some brutal honesty please

So lost and need some brutal honesty

I’ve (36F) been with my boyfriend (38M) for almost 3 years now. We first met years ago, lost touch, and then reconnected later. He’s very avoidant, and I know a lot of it comes from trauma from his childhood. I try to understand that and have been patient, but I also know it’s not an excuse for how badly he treats me now.

The first 2 years were honestly amazing. There were a few red flags I ignored, but overall he was kind, caring, and supportive. I trusted him completely. I could talk to him about anything, and he actually listened. We would stay up all night talking and laughing. In the beginning, we were in different countries, but I flew to see him often and eventually I gave up everything, my job, my home, my country, to move in with him. I know people say you shouldn’t do that for a man, but at the time it felt worth it. I believed he was my person, and that we’d build the best life together.

We’ve now lived together for two years. He has kids who are with us 50% of the time, and I love them to death.

But about a year ago, it was like a switch flipped. Everything was great until it wasn’t. It feels like he just woke up one day and hated me. Since then, I’ve been fighting for this relationship, and I’m exhausted, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

He isn’t supportive anymore. If I try to talk about anything serious, whether it’s about us or something personal (like how much I miss home), he shuts down. He snaps at me for the smallest things, like chewing too loud (he once told me to go eat upstairs alone because crackers were “too loud”), or for getting overexcited about little things I enjoy (like when I saw a shooting star and he shushed me and told me i was being too excited). He has gone entire days without speaking to me, and when I try to reach out, he often just snaps back.

He puts no effort into birthdays or anniversaries and gives me zero reassurance, no matter how much I ask for it. He knows I love small gestures like flowers, but I’ve never gotten that from him. Meanwhile, I try to do those things for him. For example, I made him a photo album of our first year living together with a handwritten letter inside. That was over a year ago, and to this day he still hasn’t opened it. When I asked, he said he just “forgets.”

He constantly tells me he “needs space.” I’ve tried to give it to him, even though I live in a country where I have no friends, family, or job. I have not been able to find a job in my field because i dont speak the language here but when i do go home i want to be able pick up some work. I have a masters degree and i hate that i cant use it here, i have tried learning the language on my own a bit, so my long term plan was always to get into my field again. He is financially very well set and has been very generous when it comes to that aspect so that has helped me with adjusting to a new life at my age away from all i know. I leave the house just to give him room, even when I have nowhere else to go. I do all the chores, the cooking, and everything I can to meet his needs, but I get nothing in return. When I go home to my own country (which he often encourages me to do, so he gets “space”), he barely contacts me. Even on my birthday this summer, he called me once in the morning and then ignored my messages for the rest of the day, even the goodnight message I sent. This happens often, he reads my messages but doesn’t respond for days, no matter how much I beg him to just answer a few.

With his kids, I’ve poured myself into building a relationship. But I never feel like it’s enough. He criticizes me and says I’m not doing enough to bond with them, yet he excludes me from things when it’s just the three of them, which makes me feel like an outsider.

It’s so hard because I’ve been carrying all of this alone. I don’t want to tell my family because I know they’d worry, so for the past year I’ve bottled everything inside. He’s so nice to everyone else, so polite, so loved, such a good father. I just don’t understand why he can’t be that way with me.

I think I know what I need to do. It feels obvious. But maybe I just need some perspective. Maybe I just need words of encouragement to finally take the step and leave. I need someone to tell me that im a little insane for letting myself be treated this way. Starting over at 36 is terrifying, and even with everything, the thought of leaving him and never seeing him again breaks my heart because i love him so much that it hurts. I’ve never felt this lost in my life.

Tl;dr: I (36F) gave up everything to move for my boyfriend (38M). A year ago he flipped a switch and now treats me like he hates me. I don’t know how to leave.