I’m tired of feeling feelings. I’m tired.

So I was SA’d, possibly more than that. Idk. I don’t want to call it that but that’s what the police are calling it.

I’m going to state what happened so if you want to know it’s there, if you don’t, then don’t.

I was having consensual sex with a friend, situationship really, and he finished first, so we continued until I finished. Once I finished, I pulled away and said I’m done. He grabbed at my hips and said “oh no, I’m not finished with you yet” and proceeded to continue. I said I was done, he asked me if I was done saying “oh you’re done”, I agreed. I continued to say and agree that I was done 4-5 times before saying stop firmly and loudly, which he had stopped only at that point. He got up, huffed and puffed as he put his clothes on, and laid down on the other couch I have.

The following day, I asked him what that was and he said he didn’t want to stop because he was having fun.

The day after that, he changed his answer when we were talking about it and said he thought I was joking.

He was staying with me and I have since made him leave, and after talking to a family member of his about it (I asked her to come get his things and she asked to talk), not only has he done this before, but apparently he’s been physically abusive before, and he told her that I’m crazy, freaked out on him, had a flashback, and he didn’t even want to do it anyways.

I’ve filed a police report and have an EPO against him.

I told the police what happened, and the other day I got follow up questions. One of which asking, based on his interrogation and answers to the police’s questions, if I would fabricate this because he wouldn’t come get his things. Another asking about my mental illness, which is just BPD.

I have so many feelings. Deeper depression, anger, becoming hyper sexual, crying off and on all the time. I’m so tired of feeling this way. How do I cope? I am in therapy already and we’re working on it too. But I want to stop feeling the feelings now. I want them to just go away.

Help?