just a vent

Before my egg cracked, I was pretty happy being a girl or nonbinary and I looked forward to going out and waking up and buying clothes and socializing with others, but ever since my egg cracked ive just been depressed. I feel like im trapped in a nightmare and sometimes I feel okay with being trans, but idk I just sometimes wish I had never done the work to unmask my dysphoria and continued living the way I wanted to. I feel so jealous of girls that are just easily girls and dont have any slight discomfort with being a girl. But whenever I try to bottle it all up and continue being a girl, it doesn’t stick anymore. It used to but now it just feels like im lying to myself. I feel like im caught between a rock and a hard place and it’s making me extremely depressed. Continuing to transition feels like my only option but idk I dont want it to be. i never asked for any of this. All Ive been thinking about for the last three months has been my gender identity.