P*rn is a nightmare for my SO-OCD

I just feel so numb after each session, questioning EVERYTHING, ruminating for hours, and feeling like a freak on account of watching what I watched. Was the love I felt for him even real? Are any of my feelings real? How can I want love when that's what I got off to?

I just feel so powerless because I keep repeatedly breaking my promises and keep giving in without a fight. I feel alone that my type of OCD (GayM Straight-OCD) seems so rare/none-existant. No matter that I also have all this scrupulosity and existential OCD that just eats away at my brain when I'm not hyperfixated on my sexuality...