Daddy issues

I've been fantasizing about my dad more and more over the years. To me it makes sense why. I have a weird attraction towards men. Im pretty much only attracted to older men who can intimidate me. I don't have any real sexual attraction to men. Until they get angry and scary. Then I crave them and go into some weird slut headspace where I just become a stupid whore, no real thoughts. And my dad is most likely the reason im like this. I experienced a lot of trauma from his anger issues as a kid and he used to spank me as hard as he could when I did literally anything that upset him and he'd yell and force me to look at him. He got better as time passed but the damage from that was done and i was still consistently being traumatized in his house. It started as just a daddy kink, no fantasizing about my actual father just regular daddy issues stuff. But it makes sense that the older i get and when my mental health is deteriorating and my brain has melted from how much porn I've consumed in the last 17 years of my life that my fantasies would circle back to its source, right? I consistently delete thousands of violent incest gifs because im addicted to downloading them on my phone. I can't help but wonder if hes ever felt attracted to me. When I still lived with him he had the rule that if an outfit covers everything a bikini covers then it was fine to wear. Sometimes he comments on how much I look like my mom and my brain goes wild with inappropriate implications even tho I know thats a normal thing for a dad to say to his daughter. i want to put on slutty outfits or orchestrate scenarios for him to see me naked when I know hes coming over to visit. He used to walk in on me masturbating all the time, but I was always under the covers and clothed. I can't help but wonder if he was doing it on purpose.