I am so fucking sick of things out of my control ruining everything the second I have the audacity to feel okay

No genuinely it drives me insane.

Every single time I feel any kind of hope or feel any better than normal something out of my control ruins it.

I was having fun on holiday. And then I just HAD to get my period. Which always puts me into pem. It always chooses the most inconvenient times to arrive, seriously. I'm on the pill and it works most of the time, but when it doesn't work it's always right when I don't want it to be. Like on holidays or after I started to feel okay.

It's at the point where every time something good happens I'm immidietly suspicious. Nothing good ever happens without a catch. There's always a drawback or something that ruins it. I just know something will go wrong and ruin it. ESPECIALLY when I feel okay physically, it feels like when I feel okay I go into debt that I have to pay off by bad things happening to me

I'm genuinely so stupid to ever have hope. Seriously, life has been nothing but a constant downwards spiral for 8 years now, I should know not to be hopeful