Children are the greatest in the kingdom of heaven

The Church considers masturbation to be a sin, because it knows the power of the mustard seed and the Matthew rule. The priests with vows of celibacy understand their duty of bachelorhood, and must hold that urge. Not so with laymen like me, who nevertheless have a strong disinclination towards marriage. There is a freedom attached to single life, something that Three Men in a Boat captures. Three Men on the Bummel never got so famous, although it was taught in German schools.

“Why should I marry even though I am responsible for the trillion-dollar pornography industry? I want all the fun and no duty.”

One day, a priest and a porn star were talking.

“Should you hold that urge…”

“Sex before marriage…”

“You masturbate…”

“Being truthful for both me and you…”

I came to the stage where both of them were talking. Suddenly the spotlight was on me and I was handed a mic and was in front of the Pope and the whole Church Sanhedrin.

“Well,” they began. “What have you to say?”

“I’ll marry.” I said in a timid voice and took a gulp of cold water. “But no girl wants me.”