Looking for support in my ERP journey with ROCD

I have ROCD and I have been working with an OCD specialist. I’ve realized I reassurance seek/“check” in my head a ton. I’ll have a thought about omg what if I have to leave my partner due to XYZ, and then I’ll go about rationalizing in my head why that’s not true/proving the thought wrong.

Well, with the help of my therapist, I’ve learned proving the thought wrong and checking whether or not it’s true is a compulsion. Probably my most problematic one. I’ve been trying so hard to practice not doing that/just being like “maybe that’s true maybe it’s not!!!” but it’s SO INCREDIBLY HARD. When I don’t have the reassurance that the thought isn’t true, I find that I get so sad and upset and cry a lot because the thought of maybe losing my partner is so hard. Even though I know it’s OCD…….is this normal??? How the hell do people do this?? I’ll be at work and have to hide in my office for a bit because I’m just so upset. Is “healing” supposed to feel this hard? :(